So after talking in my last post about how much I hate surprises, I’ve been reminded that they can sometimes be pleasant. I went on the weekend trip I mentioned, trying to have a positive attitude. After all, there’s no point in sulking for the whole weekend, and my brother’s insensitivity towards me didn’t have to ruin it for everyone. And guess what? I had a good time. I’m actually glad that I went.
First of all, the trip which I had been informed would take about 5 1/2 hours each way only took about 3 hours. Secondly, although I was in a car alone with someone I had never met before, he turned out to be pleasant enough company. Finally, I’ve been realising that I don’t need to “push” myself to be more social than is comfortable. Not, I said “comfortable” – I do need to push myself to be more sociable than comes naturally, but I’m learning to recognise my limits. In the evenings, I spent a pleasant time sitting outside reading by myself, rather than sitting and chatting with everyone. I wasn’t sulking or in a bad mood or anything like that. I just enjoy solitude, especially after a full day of socialising. Fortunately the people I was with were happy to leave me alone. I think my “closer” friends wouldn’t have done that, and would have tried to draw me out and so on. I don’t know if these people left me alone because they are not really my friends, and thus didn’t care or even notice that I was sitting by myself, or if my usual group just don’t understand. I’ve always found it frustrating to spend time with my friends, because they seem to be offended by my personal boundaries. I just need space! I thought it was simply that I didn’t like people very much, but now I’m beginning to wonder if my difficulties have to do with the particular people I’ve been hanging around with.
Anyway, the trip went well, and I am still amazed at what a good time I had. I normally avoid going away with friends for any length of time, because I have found in the past that when I go away with friends, I come home without any. Am I growing up at last? Or do I just need a new circle of friends?