Simulacrum of normal

Aspergers Syndrome in the adult life

Handling the unexpected January 19 2011

Filed under: Just living — adah @ 4:22 pm
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I don’t like surprises. I don’t like being with people. I can handle being with people if there aren’t too many surprises. If I mentally prepare myself I can deal with people and even enjoy their company. If someone drops by unexpectedly though, that’s something I can’t deal with.

My brother had planned a family trip over the weekend. I wasn’t looking forward to it for a number of reasons. Firstly, I don’t like spending time with my family. Secondly, I don’t like being away from home. Thirdly, I get travel sick and I was told that our destination was a good 5-6 hours drive away. Regardless, I resigned myself to go since it was meant to be a chance for the family to get away together and have a good time. Two days before the trip, I found out that my parents were not going; rather a bunch of my brother’s friends were going instead. Two nights and three days with a bunch of strangers, not to mention that I was expected to car pool with one of his friends. What a nightmare!

I was really upset that my brother hadn’t bothered to say anything to me before making these arrangements. Surely it would just be polite to check how I felt first? Fortunately I discovered the arrangement before the trip instead of just finding out upon departure. Even so, my instinct was to cancel, but my brother got very upset over the idea. I got upset that he got upset. I’m not sure what I was most upset about, the prospect of being stuck with strangers for the whole weekend, or the fact that my brother was being so insensitive. I suspect it was the latter. Yes, the idea of the trip was extremely stressful for me, but that wouldn’t really hurt my feelings. Even if I didn’t have any problems with social interaction, it would have been nice to tell me what was going on. I hate it when people spring surprises on me and expect me to just take it in stride. I know that we can’t control everything that goes on around us, and unexpected things are inevitable, but can’t we at least try to minimise them? For example, I know that my brother couldn’t stop my parents from cancelling on the  trip. What he should have done, was to let me know, and ask how I felt about going with his friends instead. Sigh. We can’t control the actions of others; we can only control how we respond.

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One Response to “Handling the unexpected”

  1. […] after talking in my last post about how much I hate surprises, I’ve been reminded that they can sometimes be pleasant. I […]


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