Simulacrum of normal

Aspergers Syndrome in the adult life

About me September 25 2009

si-mu-la-crum

–noun

  1. a slight, unreal or superficial likeness or semblance.
  2. an effigy, image, or representation: a simulacrum of Aphrodite.

Most of my life has been about pretending to be normal. I learnt what facial expressions and body language went with various feelings so that I could put on the correct face and behaviour to go with what I felt. I learnt to act confident so that my unusual behaviour would be seen as harmless “quirks”. I learnt that no matter how much I try to fit in, I never will.

I first heard about Asperger’s Syndrome in early 2008, when it was suggested that I probably had it. I was 29 years old. Reading up on it was a true revelation. So many of the things that I have struggled alone with all my life were revealed to be common aspie traits. Life is still hard and incomprehensible to me in many ways, but I have stopped wondering why no one seems to understand me. Reading the blogs of other aspies has been a tremendous help, so I decided to give it a go myself. Maybe others can be encouraged by my thoughts and experiences as I stumble through life.

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